Category: Supermarket

Oreos in America

4/6/2010

This is something that has fascinated me for awhile. And I file it under “another reason the world hates Americans.”

Below is a list, as of March 2010, of the available types of Oreo cookies. It does not include Oreo ice cream, or Oreo pie crust, or anything Oreo other than types of Oreo cookies available right now at your average American supermarket:

1.       Original
2.       Double Stuf
3.       Golden Original
4.       Golden Double Stuf
5.       Double Stuf Chocolate
6.       Cakester
7.       Cakester Peanut Butter
8.       Cakester Golden
9.       Cakester Double Stuf (how fluffy is this thing?)
10.   Striped
11.   Original Mini Bite Size
12.   Golden Mini Bite Size
13.   Chocolate Mini Bite Size
14.   Golden Uh-Oh with Chocolate Crème (not sure what an uh-oh is exactly)
15.   Organic Flour & Sugar
16.   Reduced Fat
17.   Chocolate Crème
18.   Chocolate Fudge Sundae Crème (Limited Edition)
19.   Fudgees Chocolate Fudge Filling (???)
20.   Pure White Fudge Covered (just typing this makes my teeth hurt)
21.   Chocolate Fudge Covered
22.   Chocolate Fudge Mint Covered
23.   Double Delight Chocolate Mint’n Crème
24.   Spring Purple Crème
25.   Halloween Orange Crème
26.   Chocolate Mini Fun Size Halloween
27.   Chocolate Mini Fun Size Easter
28.   Chocolate Mini Fun Size Holiday (mini fun size not to be confused with mini bite size)

There are 28 types of Oreos! Does anyone else think this is a bit much? Now, don’t get me wrong, I have absolutely nothing against Oreos. They’re tasty – at least in their original form which I have to admit is the only type for which I can personally vouch. But this, to me, is exactly why we Americans are not exactly the most well-loved citizens in the world. This is not types of cookies, remember, this is types of Oreo cookies which means there are also hundreds of additional cookie options at any given supermarket in any given town. There are people in the world who literally eat bugs and dirt to survive. The wealthiest nations in the world offer less than 10 varieties of cookie in their largest supermarkets. The average American walks into their local supermarket to find 28 TYPES OF OREO COOKIES at their disposal, gets fat, and then complains about there being too much food available. Admit if you lived in the desert this would be annoying! That’s all I’m saying.

0 Comments

Technology Zombies

1/5/2010

0 Comments

Technology is turning us into zombies, a little bit. Don’t get me wrong, I love technology, I love how it makes the world smaller, I love how it makes life easier and less stressful, I truly consider my iPhone the next best thing to a husband…especially because it is not afraid to ask for directions and always wants to watch the movies I want to watch.

HOWEVER, have you ever been in this scenario in the supermarket? You’re attempting to leave an aisle and you can’t because the person in front of you is slowly, slowly, shuffling along, very slowly. You quickly think to yourself, this person is:

a)      Disabled
b)      Elderly
c)       Back from the dead
d)      TEXTING!!!!

If it’s a) and/or b), I’m happy to wait for you, please take your time. But both of these options can generally be ruled out rather quickly, even from behind. If it’s c), uh, then I don’t even care about ruling it out, no need for me to be loitering near any fellow shopper I even remotely suspect of being a zombie. But if it's d) then get the fuck out of my way!! Seriously! I’m not spending my whole night in aisle 6 so you can text "sup?” to random persons on your contact list that you have deemed most likely to respond!

0 Comments

Oreos in America

Technology Zombies

Audra Laquidara

Archives

Categories