• Home
  • The Audra Show
  • These Are The Things I Think About
  • Collected Poems
  • Pictures
  • Doody Jokes
  • Advice
  • Survey
  • Marketing Documents
  audra laquidara

The worst smells I ever smelled, part 2

8/13/2009

0 Comments

 
A few years ago I flew back to SF on 12/30 after about 10 days in NY for Christmas. I landed in the late morning and so was heading up to Tahoe for New Year’s the same day. Just enough time to unpack/repack and then hit the road. The power was out when I got into my apartment, but I didn’t think much about it since a) it was the middle of the day and b) I was leaving again for the next 3-4 days and assumed it would be back on by the time I returned. I finished there in about an hour and ran out the door. I was pulling my car out of the garage when I suddenly realize I forgot something upstairs. What did I forget, you ask?

The weed of course.

Where is the weed?

It’s in the freezer at this point.

So I run upstairs; car is packed and running, in my “driveway” where if I leave it for more than a few minutes I generally end up with a $100 ticket. I throw open the freezer and as this is happening (in slow motion), I simultaneously realize that a) the freezer has not been on in anywhere from 1 hour to 10 days, b) I’m about to experience one of the worst smells I ever smelled, c) I’ll most likely start dry heaving like I’m in training for the dry heaving Olympics and d) may even actually vomit. I have a sensitive nose and gag reflex, not a good combination. The freezer was full too. Ice cream, hamburger meat, I think some gravy and meatballs, frozen veggies, warm water festering in plastic trays. I’m dry heaving now just remembering it.

But there was no time to indulge my immediate and blindsiding nausea. I had to empty the freezer as quickly as possible. It was so nasty. I basically just threw every last thing in there into a garbage bag and tried not to look at anything. Of course now it’s occurring to me that the fridge is going to be just as nasty. I tossed every last thing in there – obviously. Full condiment reload when I returned.

I still have no idea how I didn’t projectile vomit. I think I just willed myself not to because I knew cleaning it up would exponentially make things more disgusting and begin a vicious cycle for which I had no time. Actually I may have puked into the sink at one point now that I think about it. Regardless, it was some of the most violent dry heaving that I have ever done.

But here’s the thing: Thank goodness I became a stoner or it all would have gone another 3-4 days in that room temperature freezer. Because I do feel that at some point over those 3-4 days in Tahoe it would have occurred to me that the fridge would be off because the power was off and there’s just no way I would have been able to enjoy myself knowing all that food was just festering in there, waiting for me. That would have been an even worse smell to smell. And no, I didn’t get a ticket either!
0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    Audra Laquidara


    Documenting one brain's view of the world

    Archives

    September 2013
    November 2012
    August 2010
    May 2010
    April 2010
    March 2010
    February 2010
    January 2010
    October 2009
    September 2009
    August 2009
    July 2009

    View my profile on LinkedIn

    RSS Feed

    Categories

    All
    2012
    Agnostic
    Ambulance
    America
    American Idol
    Anal
    Ancient Egypt
    Atheist
    Barry Gibb
    Basketball
    Bathroom
    Bill
    Bipartisanship
    Birthers
    Bisexual
    Bite Size
    Blanket
    Body Shape
    Bonded
    Bragging Rights
    Bret
    Bret Michael
    Bret Michaels
    Brilliant
    Buddhist
    Bugs
    Cakester
    Catholic
    Cats
    Chaos
    Childhood Obesity
    Christie
    Citizen
    Conspiracy Theory
    Constituents
    Contact List
    Cookie
    Corniche
    Cotton Balls
    Coworkers
    Crack
    Crash
    Crazy
    Crime
    Crystal
    Crystal Bowersox
    Dane Cook
    Defense
    Democracy
    Democrat
    Denial
    Desert
    Designer Jeans
    Dessert
    Dick Clark
    Disabled
    Dogs
    Do Ryan Seacrest
    Double Stuf
    Drama
    Due Diligence
    Dungeness Crabs
    Easter Bunny
    Elderly
    Emergency Vehicle
    Entertainment Culture
    Entertainment-news
    Fat
    Feelings
    Final
    Finale
    Fire Truck
    Flip-flops
    Florida
    Football
    Funny
    Fun Size
    Gay
    Gay Marriage
    Good Times
    Government
    Groin
    Guiding Voice
    Happy Days
    Hawaii
    Health
    Homosexuality
    Honest
    Hurricane Sandy
    Hysterical
    Ice
    Ice Cream
    Idol Season
    Illegal
    Inc.
    Insecurities Of Society
    Iphone
    Ipod
    Jenny Craig
    Jew
    Kelly Clarkson
    Killing Bugs
    Kitchen
    Laundry Room
    Laverne & Shirley
    Leadership
    Leash
    Lee Dewyze
    Liar
    Manhattan
    Mario Lopez
    Mary Tyler Moore
    Mccain
    Metabolic Disorders
    Michael
    Michaels
    Michael Steele
    Moth
    Move Over
    Moving Up
    Mr Belvedere
    Mr. Bill
    Nabisco
    Networking
    Night Court
    Nutrition
    Nyc
    Nys Thruway
    Obama
    Obesity
    Offense
    Oreo
    Panama Canal Zone
    Park
    Patriotic
    Paula Abdul
    Pencil
    People
    Perp
    Pets
    Plate
    Politics
    Power Of Attorney
    President Of The United States
    Protectee
    Purse
    Racism
    Redneck
    Republican Party
    Rights
    Rnc
    Roommate
    Rummaging
    Ryan Seacrest
    Sam Kinison
    San Francisco
    Santa Claus
    Season Finale
    Seinfeld
    Shoes
    Shopper
    Simon Cowell
    Sitcoms
    Social Issues
    Sports
    State Law
    Stoneware
    Straight
    Sugar
    Sun
    Supermarket
    Supporting Characters
    Sweets
    Technology
    Texting
    Three's Company
    Tooth Fairy
    Tortured Genius
    Towels
    Treason
    Trustworthy
    Truth
    Tunes
    Turnpike
    Tv
    Undead
    Wheels Turning
    Will & Grace
    Work
    Zombies

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.